fly south for winter

101,098 notes

Actual Quotes from my Dad (An English Teacher)

Dad:
Why the hell did you put a comma there?
Dad:
Do you even know what a participial phrase is?
Dad:
Omg. He's like my favorite character of all time.
Dad:
Who should I dress up as for the movie premier?
Dad:
Hey are you awak? I know it's late, but you read Animal Farm, right? Yeah. I need you to read this report. I can't tell if I am just super tired or if this is actual bullshit.
Dad:
Alesha wouldn't be able to spell 'definitely' right if wrote it down for her. She would fucking erase it and then write 'defiantly', because she doesn't care. I hate her.
Dad:
I need you to bake brownies. I lost a bet.
Dad:
Omg. You cannot ship me with Gilcher. You know I don't like tattoos and he's like twenty-five. And for Christ's sake, he teaches math.
Dad:
Omg. Gilcher said the funniest thing today.
Dad:
Mrs. Ashworth and I have decided to start a band. It'll be called Great Expectations.
Dad:
It's like you didn't read the fucking book.
Dad:
Okay. So this week you're reading this book I stole from Mrs. Ashworth's. It's like sixty pages long, but you'll love it.
Dad:
*puts books on my bed for me to read everyday and demands that I read them*
Dad:
My son doesn't like reading. I have not only failed him, but society. You aren't my son. Leave.
Dad:
Okay. So you're getting books for Christmas. All of you. I get discounts on them since I'm a teacher, and since I'm a teacher, it's all I can afford, so...
Dad:
Fucking standardized testing can go fuck itself in the ass.
Dad:
I have to teach for the required testing instead of what they really need to know.
Dad:
Fuck the government.
Dad:
Fuck the school board.
Dad:
Close the door.
Dad:
Charles Dickens was so fucking pretentious, and I hate him, but he also caused change, but he's such a Dick. Ha. DICKens.
Dad:
I love puns.
Dad:
People who say sarcasm is the lowest form of humor are assholes.
Dad:
Please shut up.
Dad:
Catching Fire was the worst book but the best movie and that feels weird.
Dad:
I wouldn't get so mad when you call me at school if you didn't change your ringtones to inappropriate rap music.
Dad:
I fucking hate Alesha. She asked what countries were apart of Austria-Hungary today and I almost told her to get out.
Dad:
You cannot visit my school in a dress that short. There are boys there.
Dad:
Barbra Parks is fucking Queen.
Dad:
I need you to make me a good, relaxing playlist for silent reading. I'm too lazy.
Dad:
If I have to watch two of my students grind on each other at one more dance, I will kill them both.
Dad:
They act like I care what they think.
Dad:
I hate homework.
Dad:
I have decided to become a politician.
Dad:
What's the one book with the guys and the one kills the other and the chick without a name who dies and the short angry man? Mouseman? Oh my fucking gosh. Of Mice and Men. I have failed.

361,272 notes

thetimetravelersguidetothegalaxy:

lukesprinsass:

fluorescentbird:

crazed-freak:

allisonstyles:

theannoyingskwid:

Every song you have ever loved and every song you have ever hated.

THIS. WAS. EVERYTHING. LITERALLY.

ALL THE AWARDS.

Lucky - Brittany Spears

Love Story - Taylor Swift

I’m Yours - Jason Mraz

Super Bass - Nicki Minaj

My Heart Will Go On - Celine Dion

I Want It That Way - Backstreet Boys

Escape - Enrique Iglesias

Paparazzi - Lady Gaga

Hot & Cold - Katy Pery

The Boy Is Mine  - Brandy & Monica

It’s Ok If It’s In a 3-Way - Justin Timberlake, Andy Samberg, Lady Gaga

Whatchu Say - Jason De Rulo

Baby - Justin Beiber

You Belong With Me - Taylor Swift

Take On Me - A-Ha

Jar of Hearts - Christine Peri

Torn - Natalie Imbruglia

Love the Way you Lie - Eminem Ft. Rihanna

Skyscrape - Demi Levato 

Poker Face - Lady Gaga

3 AM - Matchbox 20

Airplane - B.o.B ft. Haylie Williams

Let It Be- THe Beatles

Party Rock Anthem - LFMAO

Don’t Stop Believing - Journey

She Will Be Loved - Maroon 5

Someone Like You - Adele

It’s All Coming Back To Me Now - Celine Dion

Apologize - One Republic

No Scrubs - TLC

Forget You - Cee Lo Green

Landslide - Fleetwood Mac

Who’s that Lady - Isley Brothers

All I Wanna Do -Sheryl Crow

Friday - Rebecca Black

Last Friday Night - Katy Perry

HOLY SHIT THAT WAS AMAZING

wat

imageimage image

oh my

I’ve waited for this to come back onto my dash for a long time.

GIVE THIS GIRL AN AWARD.

dammnn. 

holy shit

Thus proving ridiculous amounts of songs use the same chord progression as the Pachelbel canon. XD

holy shti

BLOODY AMAZING HOLY SHIT

(Source: yalltube, via babieruth29)

81,033 notes

jamestiberiuspock:

assstiel:

do you guys ever realize how whenever jensen is in some sort of homosexual situation, he tries to at least make the manliest face ever. like

image

i mean

image

he’s trying so hard

image

it’s like my body is telling me yes but my face is telling me no u can’t catch me gay thoughts

meanwhile misha

(via mordoors)

431,500 notes

8bitatoms:

phoenixfire-thewizardgoddess:

sevvey6:

morbidamusement:

captain-snark:

bananamerlin:

maderadearquitecto:

Thermochromic table by Jay Watson

imagine banging someone on that table

imagine being home alone and seeing imprints on that table

noooooo stop

Imagine having a friend sit at that table for a long while, but when they get up there’s no imprints at all.

What if you got up after trying to console a crying friend, and found that you had no imprints… and they were crying because they missed you?

aaaah it was a cool table now it’s a horror/drama story

(Source: rialxoan, via wordsgonesilent)